Kris (from a previous post) put me in contact with Deb, another suicide survivor from Helena. Deb lost her husband to suicide 14 years ago this Wednesday. I sat down with her at the cafe she and her husband started together, the No Sweat Cafe in Helena, on Saturday night. The intimate, family-run cafe has a no cell phone policy. With this policy, Deb invites people to come in, sit down, and enjoy each other and the good food. As she shared the story of her husband Ron and their life together prior to his suicide, the fact that the memory of his death is still painful was very apparent. Ron also left behind five children. Deb spoke of the pain each of them has experienced, but also of the strength and beauty each of her children has developed from their pain. We chose to do the interview and portraits in the cafe because it has been a source of healing and connection for her and her children. As she shared memories from her 25 years of owning the cafe, she pointed to various things of significance around the room. In many ways, she raised her children here - bringing them early, fixing them breakfast at the cafe before school, and seeing them walk through the door after school was out. She still has the article that was written about the cafe's opening (at which time they only had two kids). Even though the article is yellowed with age and has clearly been handled, at times with greasy fingers, Deb says this is just the way Ron would have wanted it.
I appreciate each person who has been willing to participate in my project by inviting me into their lives to be interviewed and photographed. I have learned so much and I've been inspired by the strength of each person. At this point, I believe I have just one more person to photograph and interview. One thing Deb mentioned still sticks out in my mind. She said that she doesn't want to give power to the "secrecy" of suicide that many cling to. She says the real power is in sharing and removing the stigma from those who have experience suicide loss and from those who seek help for emotional pain. Another important thing I brought away from my time with her is this: she says the more she expresses gratitude for the good things in her life, the better she is able to deal with her loss. She says that as she expresses her thankfulness to God for even the tiniest of things each day she feels a weight lifted from her.
During the same visit to Helena, I met with Siobhan again. The one year anniversary of the death of her sister, Deirdre Eitel, is just around the corner (next weekend). Siobhan has said that the past couple of months have been particularly difficult as she continues to cope with the loss of her sister who she affectionately called "Dede" or "Deed". In the first image, Siobhan clutches a pillow that Deirdre brought back from Pakistan for her. A photograph of her and her sister during their college years can also be seen over her right shoulder. In the second photograph, Siobhan holds a glass and metal box that contains the ashes of both her brother (who died in a car accident), and her sister. The box is decorated with special photographs from their lives. As the anniversary of the death of her sister approaches, Siobhan said that her family is planning a walk to spend time remembering and honoring Deirdre.
I traveled to Helena over the weekend to photograph Kris & Siobhan again, as well as one new participant. It was a whirlwind trip with three portrait sessions, but I'm pleased with the results. I was also happy to be able to visit Kris & Siobhan in their homes in order to get more personalized portraits of them. If you remember from a previous post, I photographed them the first time in a studio setting with a simple black backdrop. The images I choose for the final project will largely be determined by which images go well with the body of work as a whole.
Here are a few of the images from my time with Kris. In the first image, the cloth that her friend Dierdre brought back from Pakistan is draped over her chair. A small glass bead is also visible hanging in the window. This glass bead was made by a friend and contains a tiny amount of Dierdre's ashes. In the second image, a portrait of Kris made by a local artist is hanging above her head. This piece of art is very special to her because she is wearing a hat that Dierdre made for her with the design of her dog running around the top of the hat. This picture reminds Kris of Dierdre's gift which represents the thoughtfulness of her dear friend. Since she no longer has the hat, this drawing holds a special place in her heart. Kris is also wearing a t-shirt from the Jim Bridger trail run. Deirdre was incredibly encouraging and supportive in helping her as she started running. Kris remembers times when Deridre, an incredible athlete, would run back in 10 miles just to bring snacks to Kris as she finished up a run.
Today's session with Julia was focused on creating a few more portraits. In case you missed it from a previous post, Julia lost her father to suicide about a year and a half ago. In these photographs, she chose to include some handprints her father had made as a child. I also photographed her with the last jar of apple butter that remains from the supply her father made and her father's guitar. Be sure to click these to enlarge them. For some reason the colors look all wrong on this page and they look somewhat fuzzy here. They'll look much better if you view the larger version. Thanks for looking!
Another portrait session last night! This time I photographed Scott, who lost his brother to suicide when he was in his 40s. Some of Scott's best memories from his brother's life come from a trip to Ireland they shared for his brother to trace their family's genealogy. When the bad days come, he tries to dwell on the positive memories from this trip, or good memories of them picking on each other as they were growing up. Scott has also had the extra burden of dealing with the trauma of finding his brother's body. On days when he feels especially bad, he loves to come home and see his dog waiting for him, happy to see him and ready to comfort him.
Scott is very adamant that more people need to talk about suicide, especially those who have experienced a loss. He feels that suicides will not be reduced until the topic begins to get more exposure. Scott thinks it's critically important for those who are suicide survivors to share their experiences, which is one of the main reason he shares his own story.
I visited with Carol for the second time yesterday. We worked on a few more portraits including some different items this time. In the first image, she clutches Laura's Bible. After Laura's death, Carol found this written on the first page inside the Bible: All that happens to us first must pass through the sovereign hands of God. Finding this has been a huge comfort to Carol and she says that this saying is something she holds onto in life. It was also a huge comfort to her knowing that Laura felt this way about her own life.
In the second image, Carol is sitting in the breakfast nook of her kitchen, an area where she loves to spend time. I have to agree, it's so bright and open! This area is decorated with her study materials and photographs, including a photograph of her with Laura (on the far left edge of the image). The last photograph shows a close up of that image with Laura in the middle.
One of the things Carol has learned in losing her daughter to suicide is that everyone's experience is different. Everyone needs to grab onto something in order to survive such a significant loss. She chooses to hold steadfastly to her faith in God and her relationship to Christ. After losing Laura, who struggled with an eating disorder and depression, Carol has come in contact with many college-aged girls who have also struggled with eating disorders. She feels she can learn from them as well as offer something to them. Although some people can be very insensitive when it comes to a suicide, Carol has also connected with many others who have approached her with a similar experience of loss to suicide.
