I visited with Carol for the second time yesterday. We worked on a few more portraits including some different items this time. In the first image, she clutches Laura's Bible. After Laura's death, Carol found this written on the first page inside the Bible: All that happens to us first must pass through the sovereign hands of God. Finding this has been a huge comfort to Carol and she says that this saying is something she holds onto in life. It was also a huge comfort to her knowing that Laura felt this way about her own life.
In the second image, Carol is sitting in the breakfast nook of her kitchen, an area where she loves to spend time. I have to agree, it's so bright and open! This area is decorated with her study materials and photographs, including a photograph of her with Laura (on the far left edge of the image). The last photograph shows a close up of that image with Laura in the middle.
One of the things Carol has learned in losing her daughter to suicide is that everyone's experience is different. Everyone needs to grab onto something in order to survive such a significant loss. She chooses to hold steadfastly to her faith in God and her relationship to Christ. After losing Laura, who struggled with an eating disorder and depression, Carol has come in contact with many college-aged girls who have also struggled with eating disorders. She feels she can learn from them as well as offer something to them. Although some people can be very insensitive when it comes to a suicide, Carol has also connected with many others who have approached her with a similar experience of loss to suicide.
So I'm unofficially auditing an Experimental Photography class this semester. This basically means I get to choose which classes I go to, I don't have to do or turn in the assignments, I don't have to pay for the class, and I don't get credit. BUT, I can do any of the assignments I want and participate in labs. Fun times. Last week we played with toners in lab including selenium, bleach and sepia, copper, and iron blue. Here's a print I scanned (not a great scan since my home scanner sucks for stuff like this) that I bleached, toned in sepia, then toned in iron blue. Unfortunately, the iron blue toner bath had a ton of prints in it so it didn't tone evenly. But, I still kinda like it anyway...
This is Julia. She lost her father to suicide in March 2008. She says that she has really started to deal with the loss her dad and some of the issues they had in their relationship within the past few months. In that process, she has relied on her own faith and growth in her relationship with Christ to begin to have compassion for her father, his life, and what he went through. She has been looking back and reflecting on things in her life that she believes God strategically placed at just the right time in order to help her heal.
I photographed Julia in her room where you can see hand print plates that her father made as a young child (the blue ones hanging on the wall) and her own pink hand print she made as a child. I also photographed her in the little apple orchard in her backyard. Her father made apple butter from these apples so they evoke a special memory for her.
I met with Caroline again last night for a few more portraits and a little more interview. She talked about how when she attended a healing service, she realized the need to go "public" with her pain. In other words, she realized the value of not hiding her feelings and seeking help from others, and also from God. Caroline mentioned that people often don't want to talk about suicide if they've had some experience with it in their own lives and they've not dealt with the feelings yet. She believes it has been a healthy experience to be open with and to deal with her feelings after the loss of her ex-husband to suicide.
In this session, I photographed Caroline with a drawing she made as part of an art therapy session. She says the drawing represents where she wants to be (and what she is moving toward). The drawing represents peace and an ability to roll with the changes that occur in her life instead of having any little life change derail her as they did right after her loss. I also photographed her with her dog, Trixie, who was named by her ex-husband and who also was a big help during her grieving process.
Our photography show, Forever Family, has now closed at the Exit Gallery here in Bozeman, MT, but here are a couple of photographs from the show of Tessa Lykins & I at our reception on September 30, 2009 and an image from my half of the gallery on the day we set up (Sept. 20, 2009). Thanks to everyone who came out and showed their support for our work! It was truly a celebration of our work and also a celebration of family!
I made my first lith prints today from Holga negatives I made last summer in Greece. I really LOVE this process and I think the images work well with the lith development. I hope to experiment with this more in the future!
